October is Cat Awareness Month. I’d like to take a moment to draw your attention to a serious affliction: Feline Spine Melt.
FSM ruins marriages. It breaks up families. It causes bankrupting medical bills and the end of careers. It is known to affect 9.9 in every 10 cats, yet most people don’t even know it exists.
If 9.9 million cats went missing, we as a country would notice. Yet millions of cats every day need constant petting to survive, and no one cares. No one listens. Human hands are falling off while thousands of new bellies go unrubbed every day.
But you can help. The first step is becoming aware. Say the words “feline spine melt” to yourself. Feel a vague sense of unease. Now squash that discomfort under the self-reassurance that you are a good person for thinking about this unfortunate disease and the sad little burdens who suffer from it. Pin a ribbon to your lapel. And have a pumpkin spice latte. You deserve it.