You may have noticed yesterday’s post announcing October as Cat Awareness Month. Since then, I’ve had a staggering number of emails, phone calls, Facebook messages, and smoke signals from you, my loyal readers.
Many of you thanked me for drawing your attention to the urgent issue of cats. Many others, however, were confused as to why a blog about allism parenting would suddenly be interested in cat awareness.
In fact, cat awareness groups and allism awareness groups are a natural team for many reasons. Here are just a few of them:
1. Allistics hate cats.
This long-observed symptom of low-functioning allism was confirmed this past summer by an exhaustive study published in Wacky Cat Fact A Day Calendar, and has been officially added to the DSM-V criteria for “severe” allism. The study conclusively proved that Julius Caesar, Napoleon, and Hitler all hated cats. Combine that with their extreme lack of Theory of Mind and their ability to whip audiences into a frenzy by making mouthnoises at them, and it’s clear: allism comes with a hatred of cats.
Granted, not all allistics appear to hate cats, and many will even strenuously argue that they like cats. While more research is needed, preliminary studies suggest that with sufficient exposure therapy in childhood, high-functioning allistics can be taught to like cats – which is almost like a cure for allism.
2. Cats, like allistics, are a liquid.
It is a well-known scientific law that cats are a liquid:
Science performed on mice that were given near-lethal doses of random substances and then crammed into a very small box with lots and lots of other mice and no sunlight or fresh air has also proven that allistics are a liquid. You can look it up.
3. And many other cromulent reasons.